Judas Is a riot

I am one of those people.
I sit in Church and I listen to the word, I believe
The ideas behind them and why they were written,
I even sometimes think that the events are true events and not
Just metaphors to express the magnitude of events.
But I am after the sneak.
I am looking under doors and peaking through key holes
Looking for the biblical sneak.
I appreciate the pious and the true hearted good people that
Sprinkle the pages of the bibles.
People who fall to their knees and repent their sins because
Jesus appeared and worked the miracles we know
He was here to work.
Maybe I would have done the same.

Yet…
I cant help but think that human nature has always
Dictated human behavior…
Even in the most extreme of circumstances
Aren’t we still just everyday people?
I want to read the underground gospels.
I want to get into the Vatican vault and see the real
Deal and prove to myself once and for all
That even John the Baptist rolled his eyes at the Lord
On occasion.

The villain we are most in touch with is the horror
That we define in Judas Iscariot.
But is he really the awful sort we make him out to be?
He betrayed the Lord, as was his destiny,
And he took a bribe and in the end
He killed himself.
Betrayal, bribes and suicide.
We elect that guy into the white house every 4 years.
I guess the problem is that while looking for that
“bad guy”
I am looking for myself.
I’m not a perfect person, I’m not a dropping to my knees
And praising the graces kind of girl.
I am a little more suspicious and a lot more human
I feel for Judas’s position.
I feel for his confusion and even what I suspect is his
Jealousy and loss.
After all.. he loves this man and knows him to be
What he truly is and yet..
He is compelled to betrayal.

I don’t condone betrayal..
But I have been betrayed enough to
Understand it, to know that the truth does not
Always win out over the lie.
Those who understand the truth are often
Either completely at ease with it or
Embroiled in a jealousy regarding it.

So I am one of those people.
Searching for Judas’s salvation in hopes
That my humanity is not damning.