Tuesday, March 31, 2009


Do you know where I am?
Trace my steps from where you think
I begin to where you now stand
and tell me if the footsteps don’t match
in their intent, if not their path.
Too often we watch the path we take,
the path we think others take,
and we judge the scenery as the destination
and the destination as the proverbial wall
we are so wont to hit.

So take a step back, re-evaluate.
Do you know where you are?
Can you see me from where you are standing?
Or do you even see anything at all?

I went on a long overdue vacation to an island
and it was there and then that I realized
where I am
Using the little realized G.P.S…
God Positioning System.
Often lost and forever wanting I find my faith
often the wall and not the scenery.
Philosophy is like that.

Faith is the scenery, faith is the belief
in what is there for you to see, regardless
of what someone else can or can’t see.
People search high and low for God in this world
and I don’t think God cares to be searched for,
It’s a quest with no point.
You don’t search for your house when you
are standing inside it…
You don’t look for the keys that you are using…
You don’t tear the room apart looking for the room...
God will find you, he doesn’t need you to find him.
You are moving and living and breathing inside him
and he is covering you with everything
that he is at all times.
From the air you breathe to the skin that wraps yours bones.
You are here, You are within and God is all around you.
Sit still and let God find you.
He will.
Sometimes it will be in the subtle
Movements of whispery web of fish fins in water
Or the shattered curves of a war torn torpedo
and you will feel the tug, the overwhelming everything
that wells up within you
The unexplained throbbing of you heart and fluttering
of the blood that spreads its fingers through your veins.
Sit still and God will find you
And you will remember…
Faith is the scenery…
The destination?
Well, that’s not really our business yet, is it?

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Do you think I can't see?
Stumbling in this darkness,
this well water refuge
where I cannot breathe.
Dare me to have faith in
the pain, take me in your
arms and wish me away

burn the light from this
broken machine, this
dying hollow..
once I had so much
and now I am made of so little.

there is this
trepidation and fear
silence and destruction
a well meant hand to hold
me under for as long
as it takes to
drown the hope.

It is my cross that I
will nail you too
each scream from my own
mouth as I call out to every
tear that pours free
until I am numb..
until the last of this slips
from your grasp.

I thought I knew the words
the protection of your love
the trust in my heart
i thought i knew that you meant for
this to be a life I could
lead and in your name
i know the truth...

you can give me anything..
but love.

Monday, March 16, 2009

40 Ways of Lent.

The trials of Lent have been unforgiving.
it’s what I asked of them, for them to test me and push me
As I sit as still as I can in the face of it.
It has been my experience that Lent is a time
When people give up things they like in favor of
A Jesus they don’t really know.
I wont eat chocolate.
I wont go out every night.
I wont spend money frivolously.
I wont over eat.
I wont drive to fast.
I wont swear.
I wont, I wont, I wont.
For 40 days we wont.
Then we will.
And it was nothing but a temporary inconvenience.
In the name of the Lord Jesus,
We wont.

I thought of everything I could give up for 40 days
And there were lists of bad behaviors and old habits
That I could confine to the rest of my life and free up
Those 40 days.
My job of ‘getting behind Jesus’ on this one.
Nothing fit.
At this point in my life I don’t want to give anything up for 40 days.
If I give it up, it needs to be for the rest of my life.
That’s where I am stuck most often…
You need to make it count, make what you do matter.
You can give up for favorite food for 40 days,
But could you have given up your life?
Could you have walked for miles and miles to your own death?
Is that worth the weight of the chocolate you gave up?
The drink you aren’t having?
The money don’t spend?
Or are you perhaps not really meeting the bottom line on this one?

I think everyone has their own account they keep with the Lord.
We know what we’ve withdrawn, what we put in, what we owe in overdrafts and what we can expect this months loan payment to be.
But the Lord keeps no account with us, he isn’t noting in a ledger
That does and donts of everything we are doing.
He (yes, I’m afraid I like to think of the Lord as a man) doesn’t need
The petty moments of our life to figure us out.
He knows the worst of you, the best of you…
The right and wrongs.
He makes no lists, keeps no tally and you can’t shock him with any amount of fear or deliverance.
He is there for you, waiting for you.
He has no agenda but I think he has a full understanding that we need
To make all of that work for us down here.
We cannot remain at peace with ourselves.
So we give things up, we give ourselves over to sufferings and
Acts of contrition…
We pray, weep, sing and praise to let him know the things he knows
Already, he loves us and stands over us like the eyes of a parent
Over a baby who is learning to just take those first unsteady steps.

What does all this have to do with Lent?
It has to do with my decisions for this Lent.
I couldn't give anything up and make it matter, because my life
Is all that I have to give up that could possibly express the truth
Of what was given and lived…
And so many people I know are set against me giving that up
(maybe I will call you my apostles, my Judas’.. my Peters…
but in this I am no Jesus, too weak to walk to my knowing death)

what would God have me do, if I were not so young and opposed (as children often are to their parents demands). What would he ask of me in this season of Lent.
If I ask
“Father, what would you have me do to show that I am aware of your love and the forgiveness your Son laid upon me and my sins?”

Like any good parent
He was quick to answer.

This Lent I do not give up anything at all.
I give in. I give in to His plan, His path.
I give in to His control and stopped grasping for my own.
I give in to the truth as it presents itself.
I give in to the understanding that I will not and cannot understand
And must just continue as He sees fit for me to continue.
I give in to acceptance, love, belief, trust.
I give in to the Lord, because that is what I have.
I am no saint, this is not a simple task.
It is hard to let go when you are accustomed to fighting everything.
It is a battle against my own willfulness
but in the end, after 40 days, When Jesus dies and is resurrected once more..
this is still who I am.
No temporary inconvenience, but a lifelong gratitude.